African Airline PA Announcement

Here’s a fun poke at my home continent. Let me first say my African colleagues at the African Airline I used to work for were mostly awesome (yes there were the odd few, but every airline has them, even the one who markets themselves as the

Disclaimer: Let me first say my African colleagues at the African Airline I used to work for and train with, were mostly awesome (yes there were the odd few, but every airline has them, even the one who markets themselves as the Best Airline in the World….But in general my African colleagues were some of the best guys (and girls) I’ve ever flown with. Hehe, but it’s still Africa. There has to be things you love and hate, and it’ll take us a while to get completely on track to first world standards.

Heard on the PA of an African Airline (PS it was definitely NOT SAA, or Air Namibia…)

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain welcoming you on board Air Nambabwe.

This is flight 123 to Timbuktu. Landing in Timbuktu is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the North. It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits. For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God.

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to South African Airways, where their movie will be visible from the right side cabin windows.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down, or the cabin crew have your food ready. You’ll soon know which one it is by the behaviour of the cabin staff, if you see them begin to panic we suggest you put your oxygen masks on and you probably won’t be getting the in-flight meal anytime soon.

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your set-belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat … and for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.”

ENJOY your stay in Africa!

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